I was feeling petulant this morning - the sort of warning which if given in REAL life would cause me to thank you and scuttle away lest a prolonged discussion about feeeeelings ensue. But I had the kind of morning packing lunches, finding sweaters, brushing long tangled hair and COMPLETELY failing at being the mother of a teenager that makes me wonder exactly who licensed me to be a parent in the first place and what were they thinking? I'm terrible at this.
I made a chocolate-spice bread yesterday (actually, it was more like a cake in a loaf pan, if you want to be EXACT) and it was so good and so well-welcomed that I walked around feeling nuturingly maternal for hours and VERY pleased with myself. This morning while I was ordering my kids to get their boots on, PLEASE, and trying to talk my teenager out of her bedroom exile and fighting off frustrated tears, I sliced up what was left of the chocolate-spice bread and whatever magic it had once possessed had gone, leaving behind just a tired middle age woman and her upset daughter, leaving behind just me making lunches in a rush AGAIN.
Sometimes on Twitter, for whatever reason, I get followed by people who are under the wistful impression that I'm a nice person, like them. "You don't sound like you like your kids very much," one of them said to me a while back, which startled me, since a) I'm rather fond of my children and b) this isn't exactly a SECRET. And once I was done feeling put out by that, I thought about the image that "niceness" demands - both online and in real life - a brisk tidiness not just of one's house but also of one's SOUL, the crisp lack of admitting either failure or frustration. The opposite of this, of course, is emotional incontinence and/or a gross house so I don't know what to say, you guys. Parenthood should not be some big race to the bottom but parents who spend hours making careful craftsman lunches for their kids are weird and there's a balance between trying too damn hard and not trying hard enough and the point is that my kids had soup for lunch AGAIN today. Soup is fine! They like soup!
And they also had what was left of the chocolate cake/bread, of course. It was very tasty. I recommend it.